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Affairs & Divorce: Uncovering
Deception:
As quickly as you suspect a lie, set up a plan of action to free your mind by
collecting and evaluating evidence. Check out opposite sex contacts: 1)
Unexplained breakfasts, lunches or dinners, coffee meetings; 2) Home or hotel
visits; 3) Cards or letters; 4) Suspicious phone calls; 5) Any clue that your
spouse has been walking, talking, keeping company with an inappropriate person.
Do not leap to conclusions; carefully accumulate evidence.
Remember, silence is golden. At this point do not confront your partner.
Confrontations based on suspicions, intuition and distortions are unproductive.
You need facts. Confronting the other person with insufficient evidence is
unproductive and counter-productive. Betrayers are likely to do what almost
everyone does that is having an affair: They lie and level accusations at the
accuser. Moreover, if you are certain that there is an affair, it is not always
best to confront the person with the evidence. It might drive then directly and
prematurely into the arms of the waiting paramour. What you must cultivate is
self-control.
Gaining Control
Affairs produce wild, crazy emotions, mental instability and detrimental
actions. Strength lies in taking control of your self. You will likely go
through three stages:
- Fugue, in which you are in shock, living on the emotional edge;
chaos reigns in heart and soul.
- Ambivalence sets in and you feel that you both hate and want the
relationship with the betrayer;
- Clarity at which time you see your future and know which actions to
take. Your job throughout this ordeal is to avoid allowing emotions to rule
your actions. Use your informed intellect to save you and your family grief
while managing a devastating experience. It is highly recommended that you
have a trusted, wise counselor during these times. Avoid using friends and
family members or others who will go along with your anger and hurt or their
own programs.
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